Balls are important.

  Okay ladies... We need to talk.  Now usually I'm the first one to take the woman's side in an argument. I mean, we need to stick together and we all know 99% of the time the man is wrong anyway so taking the woman's side is the logical choice... BUT... I have to say, ladies you're starting to make things hard on me.
 I don't know what is wrong with females these days... Maybe it's too much tv filling their heads with nonsense or maybe we're just becoming too spoiled... But things just aren't adding up.
   So to be more specific I'm talking about this idea or fantasy that women have about the "perfect" man.  You want him to be strong and assertive but for some reason I haven't quite figured out, you also want him to take pottery classes with you and take you to the movies to watch the latest romantic comedy.  This doesn't add up, girls.  You can't expect your man to have balls when you've just castrated him by making him go to a painting class with you filled with old women chatting and painting barns.  I mean come on!  I'm all for showing each other support for your hobbies or passions but there are some things you should just never ask a guy to do.  And for God's sake stop taking your man clothes shopping with you!  I mean I get it if you're shopping for something specifically for him... like lingerie... but when I see those guys sitting on a chair outside of the fitting room holding your purse with a look of pure agony on their faces I want to just go to them and whisper, "Your balls are shrinking by the second, man.  Go now before its too late!!"
  Fo real, girls... You either want a man who will have your back but refuse a pottery class or a man who will hide behind your back because he forgot his balls in that pottery class... Your choice.  There are plenty of ways for your man to show you he loves you and none of them require arts and crafts, if you know what I'm sayin'.  (Wiggling eyebrows). So please let's get our priorities straight here and get back to the things that really matter like complete world domination and male strip clubs!!

Just sayin'.