Klutz

 Okay so I don't usually admit this...which is saying something since I pretty much admit everything... I'm clumsy. It's a little embarrassing since I'm half ninja so I try to deny it but after thinking back to some of the things I've done... well yeah... I'm clumsy.

Example #1:
Once when my husband (then boyfriend) was taking a shower in our old apartment I thought it would be funny to spy on him. Okay so I'm a little bit of a perv too. I stood up on the toilet cover, leaned toward the shower with my hand on the towel rack for leverage and got up on my tippy toes to peek over the top of the shower curtain. I started to giggle and just when Matt looked up at me the towel rack broke. I went flying forward into the shower curtain and landed with the top half of my body on the shower floor getting soaked and the bottom half of my body on the bathroom floor.  Matt and I laughed so hard I'm not sure how long it took for him to finally ask me if I was okay.

Example #2:
I used to walk to work when I lived in Japan because my job was really close and we only had one car. So one day on the way to work I fell... on caution paint. Yes, I said caution paint. That's the bright yellow paint they put on curbs or other dangerous areas to warn you to be CAUTIOUS. The thing is I didn't fall because of the curb that they were warning me about. I stepped on the thick, glossy coat of fresh yellow paint and my foot slid right off of it... causing me to fall. I scrapped my knee pretty bad, yelled "What the F*^%!!!??" really loud as I descended to the ground and then realized not only did I fall in the middle of the street ON CAUTION PAINT, I cussed in front of an elementary school.

Example #3:
When I was in high school I used to skateboard. Now when I say skateboard I don't mean doing tricks and bustin' moves that made me totally awesome. I mean I used to stand on my board and push myself around without falling. Trust me this was an amazing feat for me... took me a long time to get there. So anyway... one day my friends and I were hanging out at Nichole's house and Nichole had a wooden ramp on the side of her house that started at the top of her porch and stopped at the sidewalk. This wooden ramp had one piece of plywood on the top that was warped. So we have our boards what better thing to do than ride our boards down the ramp right? So my friends take turns and they all avoid the warped section of the wood. I go and I even void it.  **Good Lord it's a miracle I did something gracefully!** Well instead of counting my lucky stars and just being happy I made it once I get excited and decide I'm going to skateboard down this ramp from now until the end of time because A) it's fun and B) I'm sure I look really cool doing it. So the second time around I'm less cautious and BAM! My board hits the warped piece of wood, my wheel gets stuck and it stops moving.  Unfortunately my body does not. I go flying down the ramp, across the sidewalk and land shoulder first into the dirt. My shoulder stops there but my legs decide they aren't done yet so they continue flying until they are up and over my head. By now I'm folded like a pretzel on the ground and my friends are doubled over laughing so hard they look like they may pee themselves. For about a year after that we could still point out the crater my shoulder left in the dirt outside Nichole's house.

Example #4:
We had a hammock in our backyard. It was a beautiful fall day and I decided I was going to bring some blankets and a pillow outside and take nice nap on the hammock. So I go out there with my arms full of blankets and a pillow on top. I get there and proceed to make my makeshift bed. It looks amazingly comfortable and I can hardly wait to get on. I crawl on top of the hammock slowly situate myself and the hammock rolls. I land face first in the dirt with my pillow and blankets draped on top of me. I thought I survived this with no witnesses but little did I know my Grammy watched the entire thing from her window and laughed so hard she nearly peed herself.  Nice.

Example #5:
NEVER and I mean NEVER let me wash a wine or champaign glass if you want to keep it. On the other hand if you'd like it to end up in pieces in the kitchen sink then by all means ask me to wash it.

I could go on like this forever...

So anyway... just sayin' I'm a klutz. So what?