"just get a hobby"

I just finished watching Julie & Julia and it brought up a problem I've been having for a while now... what to do!?? I've noticed this seems to be a problem that many wives have. Whether they have jobs, children or neither there still seems to be a struggle when it comes to finding something that you enjoy doing, something that you love and something that you would enjoy doing everyday... just for yourself. And the funny thing is, I've never once found a man or husband with the same problem. If anything they always have TOO MANY hobbies and either can't find the time for all of them or can't afford them. So why is this? Are men programmed to always be busy with something? Are they the more selfish gender and while the women are too busy taking care of everyone else to think about what they want or would enjoy the men are off exploring everything and finding hobby after hobby? Or is it something else? Can it be that us WOMEN can actually learn something from men? Actually take some time for ourselves and try to find something we enjoy? But why is it that typical hobbies for men are things like working on cars, playing sports, fishing or playing video games (please notice I used the word "playing" twice). And for women it's usually things like cooking, sewing, knitting or crafts? I've always considered myself to be a pretty creative person but none of those things I just listed really appeal to me. And I've tried some of them. I do enjoy writing but to be honest it's hard to find things to write about when your day consists of working out, changing diapers, giving baths and folding laundry. So once again the phrase appears, "just get a hobby."
So now I need a hobby to help with my other hobby! And another thing is money... hobbies can get expensive!! Especially the ones I listed for men! What's up with that!? They should give hobby discounts at the store or something. Like if you bring old receipts with you to the store to prove it's really a hobby for you and you are passionate about it you get 25% off all merchandise related to it. I can think of a few people who would benefit from that.
So I guess I'll just continue on my search for my new hobby and maybe one day I'll find one and then I'll sit here writing blogs about how wonderful it is and how much it fulfills me and I'll be one of THEM. You know the ones who look at you with confusion all over their face when you tell them you're bored and then they reach over to comfort you and say those awe inspiring words..."just get a hobby."

My Sisters

In my life I have been truly blessed. And among my many blessings ones that I hold dearest to my heart are Cindy and Kristine. My sisters. I know many people have siblings that they love and that have taught them a lot. But there are not many who have the type of love and admiration that my sisters an I share. My sisters are 9 years older than me and twins. In most cases this could be a recipe for disaster. Meaner, older sisters that boss you around and make your life hell. Well luckily for me, my relationship with my sisters was the complete opposite. They treated me like their most favorite person in the world. They spoiled me to death, taught me life lessons that I didn't have to learn on my own, and made me feel like I was cool enough to hang out with them and their friends no matter how young I was.

Now of course like any siblings our relationships haven't always been perfect. But for the most part I just remember sitting and crying while I watched them fight each other. Which I guess is expected from a pair of teen aged twin sisters. But despite all of their differences and trust me there are a lot... one things that has always stayed the same is our love for each other.

My sisters taught me how to dance and how to dress and do my hair. They taught me who I should trust and how to stand up for myself. And even if they didn't intend to they also taught me how to learn lessons by watching their mistakes. My sisters have been through a lot...both of them and by watching them live through the tough times and come out even stronger it has only made me realize how strong one person can be.

My sister Cindy... the older of the two (by 15 minutes) has always been so caring and understanding. She would offer a complete stranger the shirt off her back and despite everything she's been through... and she has been through A LOT... she still believes in the good in people and always finds a reason to smile. Through heartbreaks, disappointments, and really bad situations she's always found a way to come out stronger and never let anyone or anything get her down.

My sister Kristine... the younger of the two (by 15 minutes) was always the tough one. She never backs down and is always showing her strength no matter what life throws at her. She has always given great advice and is always there when you need someone to listen. She's also the mother of my beautiful niece and nephews and despite being a single Mother with a full-time job she has still managed to raise wonderful, respectful and awesome kids in a world that seems to have so few. She has also been through a lot and every time she still comes out ready to fight the next battle.

To say my sisters are strong women is such an understatement. They are beyond strong... they are amazing, tenacious, super women who have earned my utmost respect and admiration. I love my sisters.

Love you.

So many of life's biggest challenges and mysteries revolve around love. When are you truly in love?... Is love ever enough?... who should you love?... Do you really know what love is?... this list could go on and on and on. People make careers answering and asking these very questions and still it seems no one ever has a direct answer to any of them.
Growing up I was always told "Until you love yourself you can't truly love anyone else" and I always took it lightly. I actually didn't believe it at first because I spent a large majority of my life not liking myself and still felt there were plenty of people in my life I loved. But now after watching my friends get their hearts broken, mended and broken again... after learning how it feels to actually love myself and to see the changes it's made in my life and my relationships... it makes perfect sense.
You always hear stories of the "perfect" relationship ending abruptly. One person cheats or all of a sudden doesn't love the other. But when you look a little closer often times you'll find that at least one of those people (if not both) still needed to find love for themselves. Often times when people get married or enter long term relationships one or both of them loses themselves. Their world begins and ends with that other person and they forget about what they want, what they need... they forget about their worth. And when you don't require love from yourself how can you ever require it from someone else? And how will that person know how to treat you?? By how you treat yourself. If you are willing to settle for little or nothing from yourself then why should you require anymore from them?
That's where self love comes into play. I've found that when both people in a relationship feel whole and happy by themselves they are even better when they are together. But when one or both of those people are missing something within themselves and they can't find it with the person they are with they will keep looking until they do. And often times they eventually discover that no one else can give it to them. Just like in The Wizard of Oz what you are searching for you've had with you all along. And unfortunately most people discover this after they've broken hearts and had their heart broken time and time again.
It seems to me that people waste so much time looking for love, looking for someone to complete them when what they should be doing is looking inside themselves. And once they discover they don't need anyone else to complete them or to make them happy that's when everything else they wanted comes. And no matter what happens from that point on you'll always have someone who loves you... YOU.

takin it back...

I was looking through old photo albums of me and my friends. I can't believe how easy life was back then and how much I took it for granted. I have pictures from concerts and amusement parks and parties... and I thought my life was tough. Pfft! And why didn't I believe I was pretty and skinny!?? I look at those pictures and wish I looked like that now!! I will never look like that again and at the time I thought I was ugly and fat. MAN! If I could only go back and get inside my head! LOL But what looking at the pictures really made me miss the most was my friends... Melissa, Liz, Nichole, Shayla, Jenny, Vikki, Tamera and many more. You guys have been awesome friends and I wouldn't be who I am without knowing you so thank you!!

just keep it real

I always wonder why people feel the need to pretend especially girls/women. For as long as I can remember I've watched girls pretend to like someone when they didn't. I can understand being civil to someone... smiling and saying hello even if you don't care for them or really like them. But why put on the show? Why invite them to parties? Why invite them to hang out with you and then as soon as they leave spend the entire night talking about them?

Is it purely for entertainment? Is it because you don't have enough going on in your life so you have to create something to talk about? I just don't understand the need for being two faced and acting phoney. It's too much work if you ask me. Why not just keep it real?

babysitting

I hate babysitting. I don't often share this about myself because I don't want to come off mean or uncaring... but I really do hate it.
My sisters are 9 years older than me so there were many instances in my childhood where I was volunteered to babysit for their friends. And the kids I watched were always brats who never listened to me or they ended up throwing up or climbing trees and falling... something bad always seemed to happen.
My Mom used to volunteer me to babysit also. I specifically remember her volunteering me to babysit a neighbor's kid one night. He was about 2 1/2 or 3 years old and his parents left him grapes to eat as a snack. I sat him on the kitchen counter to eat the grapes and he started choking on one! Thank God after I hit his back a couple times he swallowed it but then he started crying and I was so frazzled I swore never to feed a kid grapes again and made sure to learn the Heimlich maneuver!
So after years of being scared by traumatizing babysitting experiences I now hate it! Yes, even now after I have a daughter and I'm more comfortable around babies I still have no desire to take care of another person's child. And I actually feel guilty about it. I understand there are mothers out there who could use the help... I'm one of them! LOL I guess that's why I never ask people to watch Cynthia. Because if I did I would automatically be indebted to them and have to babysit their kid. Don't get me wrong... this doesn't mean I hate kids. I have no problem with them as long as someone else is taking care of them.
But when someone asks you to watch their child or babysit how do you say no unless you already have plans or just cannot do it? How do you say "No, I'd rather not" without sounding completely bitchy (pardon my "French")?? That is one thing I'm still trying to figure out. And does this give me bad karma?? Will I really need a babysitter one day and not be able to find one because I refuse to babysit for other people? It seems kind of fair to me actually... I'll just have to make sure and register Cynthia with a daycare every time I move or have family close by. Oh and that's one exception... I have no problem watching my niece and nephews. I never have... what's up with that? It must be because they are family and I have more of an emotional connection with them. I've never really been a kid/baby person anyway. I've never been one to ask to hold babies or even have much patience when it comes to kids. I guess it's just not my thing.
I hope my friends don't read this and think I'm secretly repulsed by their babies or something because that's not the case. Motherhood has definitely given me a new found appreciation for a baby's smile and innocence.... just don't ask me to babysit!

forgiveness

Forgive: 1:To give up resentment 2: pardon; absolve 3: to grant relief from payment of

In my life I've found that forgiveness can be one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can ever do. When someone hurts you it is hard to turn around and show them kindness by forgiving them. But the more I've thought about it and experienced it myself I realize that forgiveness is more of a gift you give yourself. You can let go of that resentment and move on with your life without harboring any hard feelings or anger. Often times the person you are mad at doesn't even know or care that you are mad so really the only person you are hurting is yourself.
I've also found that one of the toughest forms of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. Most of us are more judgemental and harder on ourselves that anyone else. And even the smallest mistake can be hard to forgive. Growing up I always had a self esteem problem. I used to say things like "I hate myself" and "I suck" and "I'm such a loser" and then I would wonder who or what caused all my pain when I was depressed or sad. The truth was although there may have been instances in my life that reinforced my low self esteem it was my inner thoughts and judgments that kept those feelings so close to me. It wasn't until I decided to forgive myself that I felt a sense of relief and happiness come over me. It was like I was finally letting go and allowing myself to be imperfect. I always felt a need to be perfect... the perfect friend or the perfect child or the perfect student and since I never was perfect I was always disappointed. It's so liberating now to know I'll never be perfect and just accept the person I am.
No matter who hurts you even if you hurt yourself it's important to forgive them so that you can move on. You don't even have to tell them you've forgiven them just be able to let go and understand that everything you live through makes you stronger and teaches you something. So take what you've learned and your new found strength and live a better and happier life.

religion

I was watching the news earlier today and they were covering a story about religion and how the fastest growing "denomination" right now is no denomination at all. People are choosing to have no affiliation with a church and are either finding a personal path to spirituality or none at all. And in order to change things or get a larger congregation churches are now spending money on commercials and iTunes gift cards to lure people into church.
I may be missing the whole point but this seems so wrong to me on so many levels. First of all... aren't there other ways you could use that money to pass on your message? Instead of using thousands... or MILLIONS (yes, I said millions) of dollars on advertising for your church why don't you take that money and build a school or a playground or a food bank or provide food or medicine or counseling to the community?? I mean isn't that a more effective way to "advertise"? Isn't that a better way to demonstrate what your church is about? Isn't that a better way to encourage people to join your congregation??
Honestly, I think this is just a prime example of why churches are losing members... they have lost their focus. If people see you care and you're making a positive impact on the world around you and you PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH then they would be inspired and want to help make a change in the world... in turn joining your congregation.
Personally I choose not to follow an organized religion. Although, I have nothing against people who do and I can see the benifits of doing so. But for me I've always felt more comfortable exploring my spirituality on my own and having my own personal relationship with God. I think we're coming to a time where people need to step back and look at their intentions. They need to stop talking about what people SHOULD do and instead do it. They need to stop judging and start loving others.
I always found it so baffling how for so long people have been fighting, killing, and hating for something that they can never prove. How can so much evil or ugliness be created by people who say they love God? I feel everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe but they definitely don't have the right to say... if you don't believe it too you deserve to die or you are going to hell. How do people say that so matter-of-factly!?? Like they are God, like they know what will happen to your soul after you die!? Maybe you are going to hell just for saying that.
Ok ok... I know I'm getting too deep here and I don't have all night to type. I just want everyone to ponder this and maybe take a step back and think twice about what you've been told or what you've been doing.
No matter what you believe you are still human just like the rest of us. And just like you were brought into this world you will one day return from where you came and maybe even have the chance to look back at what you did while you were here. And I hope you can look back and be proud of what you did and how you touched the people around you. To me, that is how you measure your closeness to God... to me, God IS love... unconditional love and the closer you get to that the closer you are to him/her.
Ok now I will step off of my soap box. Thanks for listening. :)

military brats

Growing up as a military brat I remember wishing I could stay where I was forever. If I had made good friends or liked our house I would get so upset when it was time to move again. There's nothing like walking into a new school where you don't know anyone and everyone else grew up together. You're scared and nervous and wonder if you'll ever make friends like you did the last time. I remember when I was in high school I swore I'd never marry someone in the military because I had been around them my entire life and I was ready for a change. But now that I'm married to a sailor and he's decided to make a career out of it I realize this is the life I know. I can't imagine staying in one place for more than 4 or 5 years. After about 3 I start to get antsy and feel like it's time to go.
It's crazy for me to imagine that some people live in the same place their parents grew up and their parent's parents and so on. Although that's the life I always envied now I realize I was pretty lucky to grow up the way I did. I would never have met the people I now call my closest friends and I wouldn't be the person I am today. This life style has helped me be independent and adventerous and has definitely allowed me to overcome some hard situations. Leaving good friends and places I call home have never been easy but meeting new people and making a new home for myself is an amazing experience.
Now that I have Cynthia I wonder if she will have the same feelings I do. I kind of like the fact that I will be able to relate to her in that way. I can take her on her first day to her new school and see her standing there nervous and scared and tell her "I know exactly how you feel because I've been there." and I can also tell her that it'll all be ok and be worth it in the end. And it comforts me to know that it may help her become a strong, independent person who knows who she is even if she doesn't know where she's going next.
We military brats are a special breed. We can't ever answer the question "Where are you from?" in one word or even one sentence but there's not much else we can't do. :)

my iPod

I lost my iPod over a week ago and I still can't find it! I think someone may have stolen it from the gym. It sucks!! I never realized how much music helped me on my runs and during my workouts. I WANT MY iPod BACK!!!! :( And if someone did steal it I hope it doesn't work for them!!! JERK!

Inside

Inside

Starting a life with you

Has been a dream come true.

You've turned my world around

Giving me a different view.

Suddenly things are bright

Everything sparkles and shines.

Just because you're with me

And I can call you mine.

Your deep blue eyes and your perfect lips

Are visions I have when we can't kiss.

I imagine your heart beating next to mine

While our spirits and souls slowly combine.

I feel my heart growing in size

Every night and in the morning when I rise.

One step closer to the day you return

And until that day, this fire will burn.

My love for you, I can't describe

The only one's who know

Are the one's inside.

You and I, You and I

Always and Forever

Together we fly

This is another poem I wrote for Matt when he was on his 6 month deployment. I thought it might apply to my friends waiting for their husbands to get home. :)

don't worry, be happy!

If I only knew then what I know now... I guess that will apply to our lives until the day we die. But hopefully as we get older we'll gain a little more insight and realize that it's not worth it holding onto grudges or getting mad over the little things we can't control. Of course we'll have our ups and downs in life. Every thing can't be perfect all the time. If they were we would never appreciate the blessings we recieve every day. But you do have the choice to make the best of every situation and try to find a way to stay happy no matter what. This is your life and you are the only one who will live it. So when you are negative or decide to be a victim or wallow in your own misery the only one suffering is you. And why would you want to make matters even worse for yourself???
I've decided that from now on when I feel myself having a negative attitude or feeling down I will stop myself and make a choice to look at things differently. It's not always easy but it's SO worth it!

change

Have you ever had a problem with people holding on to who you were and how they knew you and not realizing that you have changed? Or if they do realize you have changed they seem to think there's something wrong with you or you are just faking it or pretending to be something you aren't? The reason I ask is because I'm a little apprehensive about moving back to the states. I feel like the past 2 years here in Japan have taught me a lot and I've also been doing a lot of soul searching while I've been here and feel like I've changed the way I think and the way I treat myself in a lot of ways. And although, I feel like all the changes I've made are good I wonder if people are going to notice or be too attached to the person they knew me to be.
For example, growing up I always felt like a push over in a way. I used to not say anything if someone made me upset or mad, I would put my needs after others because I didn't think my wants or needs were as important as everyone else's. And now I try to do what I think is best for me and have been trying to make my needs more of a priority. But if you had a friend or family member who always did what you wanted or always bit their tongue when no one else did would you really want that to change?
And on top of all of that I also had a baby while I was here. Which means everyone will be meeting MOMMY Elaine for the first time. I can't do all the things I used to do because I have a person I'm responsible for now so I wonder if my friends will take that into account or be dissapointed when I say I can't do something. And I'm the youngest in the family. Which means no matter how hard I try to get rid of the title I'll always be the "baby". And although I know my family treats me like an adult most of the time I still always feel like I'm being looked at as the baby who always needs advice and no one ever worries about stepping on your toes. And why should they? You're just the baby!
As I type this I'm already thinking of hitting the delete button because I know my family reads this and they are going to think they have offended me some how or they are going to say things like "Well I was going to say something but I don't want it to come off like I'm treating you like a baby" It's not that I feel mistreated or abused by my family and friends it's more like I'm worried about how things will be when I go back home. When someone changes over time but you are around them everyday or even every couple of months at least the change is gradual and you adjust. But since I really haven't been around everyone in a while I just worry about how I will be treated or will be recieved. But I guess as long as I'm changing for the better and I'm still ME every thing should work out fine.
I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced something like this in their life. ???
I LOVE YOU, FAMILY AND FRIENDS! You know who you are. :)

nothing today...

coconut rum + juicy juice= writers block... sorry. lol

I'd rather be happy

Yeah I could stop eating carbs and take sugar out of my diet. I could drink nothing but water and do stomach crunches until my head burst but I'd rather be happy.

I like having some chocolate after a long day and drinking a diet coke. I like to get my workout over with in the morning and then spend the rest of my day chasing my daughter around. Yeah that also means I won't be looking like Heidi Klum any time soon.

But I'm ok with that. As long as I feel healthy and I'm HAPPY!

And I know a world without chocolate, carbs and a soda every now and then is not one I would want to live in. So I'm willing to settle with this...

I'm not there yet but I'm working on it. :)

perception

I read a book once in college that said we aren't who we think we are... and we aren't who others think we are... but we are how others think we see ourselves. In other words the way people think we perceive ourselves is how they will perceive us also. That statement really stuck with me because it made me realize something. We are in control of who we are. It's all in our minds and how we see ourselves. It explains the unattractive guy in the bar getting all the girls and the beautiful girl in the corner hiding behind her hair and going completely unnoticed. When you believe you are worth something so will everyone around you and when you don't no one else will either. Perception is an amazing thing.
I was at the gym again today working out. I was covered in sweat, getting ready to do some ab excersizes when I decided to look in the mirror...REALLY look in the mirror (which is something I've been trying to avoid since I gained all my baby weight)... and I realized something. My legs looked skinnier than I thought they were... so did the rest of my body. And all of a sudden I was happy. It could have been the lighting or the clothes I had on but all of a sudden just because my perception had changed so did the way I felt about myself. I hadn't lost any weight since the last time I saw myself in the mirror. I just picture myself as one size and I saw myself this time and realized I was actually smaller.
Isn't it funny that it's MY own body... I live in it everyday, I see it in the mirror and yet I don't see it clearly?? What else is there in my life that I see the same way? ...through the fog of my perception and not how it really is... perhaps I need to look at everything again.

Judgement

So I understand that judging people is something that pretty much comes naturally to everyone. When we first meet someone we look at their clothes and hair and the way they speak and carry themselves and then we make assumptions. This person is confident or insecure, this person is overweight or too skinny, they take care of themselves or don't, wear too much make up, have tattoos, look plain, etc., etc., etc.
So it's impossible to say you don't judge. Even if you try not to it's just something that comes naturally. But when does it go too far? Where do you stop judging? For example... I'm in the gym this morning and Dr.Phil is on tv. There is a woman on the show who claims to be addicted to food. And the girl next to me in a matter of about 10 minutes said the following..."Eww! That's disgusting she eats ALL of that!" "I don't believe her she's lying. She's not even that big." "She said she'd rather smoke so she wouldn't eat so much!? She's STUPID!"
Now I realize this is a talk show and people always like to comment when watching them. But I actually felt bad for the woman on the show because there are people all over the world just like this girl next to me. judging. I mean how do you know what this woman is going through? And who are you to judge her? What if I was addicted to food and I'm on the elliptical right next to you. Perhaps you should keep your thoughts to yourself.
And I admit I'm not innocent either but as I get older and see more and go through more in my life. I start to realize that everyone goes through their own struggles in life and no matter how small they may seem to someone else they are HUGE to the person living it. And no one else knows how they feel, what they've been through or how much they've tried to overcome their obstacles. I just think it's easier to judge someone. Easier to assume that person is doing something wrong or there is something wrong with them than to admit that maybe there is nothing wrong with them and they are just doing the best they can with what they were given.
Everyone has a right to do what they want and whether we agree with it or not they will anyway. We don't have to like everyone or their actions but we don't have a right to pass judgement either. We all come into this life to learn and you are no different.
Until we walk a day in that person's shoes maybe we should keep our judgements to ourselves.

No one ever told me.

No one ever told me I could love someone THIS MUCH! I mean I know people always say things about "a Mother's love for her babies" but I just had no idea. I didn't realize I could laugh so hard at a facial expression or be so proud to see someone roll over.
I never knew I would go into my baby's room at least twice after she's gone to sleep just to make sure she's warm and breathing and just for an excuse to see her one more time. I had no idea bath time would be fun again or seeing someone fall could hurt me more than it hurt them.
I didn't understand how natural and instinctual motherhood is. How you almost feel like a lion protecting your cub and there's nothing you wouldn't do to keep them from harm. That my body would actually have a physical reaction when I heard my baby cry.
I never would have guessed that some one's reaction to my daughter would mean more than how they treated me. That she would feel like an extension of myself. And I can't imagine how hard it will be to let her go and be her own person and make her own mistakes.
I guess if someone had told me (and maybe they did) I never would have really understood until I felt it for myself. Being a Mother has been one of the most life changing, amazing, and REAL experiences I've ever had. And I thank God for it everyday.

WANTED: ???

Do you ever worry that you're never going to find your passion or what you are meant to do in this life? Is there a talent already there in all of us that we have to discover? Or do we have to decide what we want to do and then work at it until we are good? Or is it just different for everyone?
Ever since I was little I liked being creative. I used to make outfits for my Barbie dolls and decided I wanted to be a fashion designer. Then when I was in middle school I started writing and people told me I was good at it and it came fairly easy to me so I decided I wanted to be a writer. Then I got into high school and loved my art classes. So then I decided I was going to be an art teacher.
When I went to college and tried choosing a major Creative Writing was my first choice. But then that voice in my head started saying things like, "what if you aren't good enough?", "what if you don't get a job writing... how else will that degree help you?", "maybe you should do something that's more likely to get you a stable job", "do writers earn good money if they aren't extremely successful?" and there went that idea. So instead I chose Advertising... it had writing and art involved so I thought... "it'll be fun and look better on a resume". But the more I got into it the more I realized what a competitive field it really was... "cut throat" is actually the phrase I heard all the time. And I also realized it really just wasn't something I was passionate about. But I had just spent 4 years studying to be a copywriter for an advertising agency. So by God that was what I was going to try and do!!
But now looking back at it all I realize the main thing holding me back the entire time was my lack of confidence. Maybe I could have been an amazing fashion designer but I didn't believe in myself so I never tried to get better. I could be at a school somewhere teaching art right now. But I never made my portfolio because I didn't think it would be good and I didn't want to get rejected so I never even made an attempt. And even straight out of college with my brand new shiny degree... BACHELOR OF SCIENCE WITH A FOCUS IN ADVERTISING AND A DOUBLE MINOR IN BUSINESS AND PSYCHOLOGY... I didn't believe in myself enough to go looking for that BIG job. Eventually I did end up getting a Marketing Manager position due to some good networking and I was excited about it. I would be starting fresh and everything that came out of the marketing department would be MY idea but after about a month I realized it just wasn't the job for me. Just like the degree I had earned I loved the way it sounded but deep down I kind of felt like a phony saying the words. "I'm a Marketing Manager" more like... "I'm still looking for what I want to do but for now I'm trying to sell cleaning products for Birsch Industries."
Growing up my Dad used to always tell me how important it is to find a job you love. Something that makes you happy... and I just haven't found it yet. I know I'm still only 27 but as my life moves on and I have a family and I now know I'll probably be moving every few years it has become even more important to me that I find something that makes me happy. Something that is JUST MINE. Something I can be proud of and can help me contribute to the world even if it's just in a minute way.
So this is my way of asking the universe for help! Please help me find my niche, my passion, my love, my happiness in this world. And please give me the confidence and insight to see it when you show it to me!!!
Thanks for listening!

Matt

My husband is awesome. So awesome I wanted to dedicate a post just to him. For those of you who don't know him... he is funny, smart, honest, friendly and secure in who he is. I don't know how I ended up being so lucky and finding him. He always knows how to make me laugh, he's a wonderful father who loves to play with Cynthia and show her off to his friends, and he's always there for me when I need him the most. He's my shoulder to cry on ... even if I decide to start at midnight and he has to wake up at 4am the next morning.
Most importantly... he is my best friend. I can be myself around him. 100% I don't have to be embarrassed or hide anything. It is wonderful when you can find someone that brings out the best in you and makes you love yourself even more. I love him with all of my heart and would not trade him for the world... or anything else.
You're awesome, babe!!

Love always and forever,
Elaine

poems

I was looking through an old journal and found some poems I wrote. They are old and I never expected to share them with anyone but I guess I will now...

Love Never Dies

Your love has always kept me warm
acting as a light through every storm
When you had to go away I wanted you to stay
I was scared things would never be the same.
Everything looked dark and my sadness grew
then I thought of you and the love came through
I know it will be hard to say good-bye
there will even be times when I want to cry
but I know in my heart
love never dies.

(RIP Robert Wayne Hardison)


Sugar Coated Dreams

My need for someone to hold
harbors the poison killing my soul
dissolving my sugar coated dreams
forming sweet puddles on the ground
until they're lifted again by the sun's beams

The Sun is Bright

I keep hanging on to this pain I feel
It has become my companion
never leaving my side
afraid it might miss a moment

A moment in time
when the sky is blue
and the sun is bright
when I'm smiling
and welcome the light

I keep clearing my mind
trying to erase all these daydreams
fantasies that will never come true
I keep brushing my teeth
scrubbing and rinsing
trying to forget the taste of you
that moment

A moment in time
when the sky is blue
and the sun is bright
when I'm smiling
and welcome the light

I keep crying alone
wiping the tears
too proud to admit they fell
cleansing my eyes of all the times
I've pictured you in hell

How could this happen?
I knew better than that
When will I be rid of this pain?
I knew it was coming
that's why I kept running
but still you caught up
and left me in the rain.

So maybe I'm the one to blame...
So will I ever see it again?
this moment

A moment in time
when the sky is blue
and the sun is bright
when I'm smiling
and welcome the light

or will I be looking for you?

military spouses

I know, I'm on a roll today!

I just wanted to show my appreciation for all the military spouses out there. I know I am one so I'm a little bias but I don't know if "civilians" really understand how much military spouses sacrafice.

Yes, we are lucky... we get free health care, housing, support groups, and a paycheck every 2 weeks. I do not take that for granted, not at all. And this isn't meant to be a complaint or "feel sorry for me" moment.

That being said...

A military spouse has a lot to deal with. We take care of the house, the bills, the pets, the cars, the children and that's when everything else in our life is going smoothly. We can act as single parents for months at a time if not longer and we never know what will happen next. Where we will live in the next few years, if there will be a new war our spouse will be sent to fight, and if our spouse will even make it home safely.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is the next time you see a man or woman in uniform and you decide you want to thank them for their service don't forget to look at the wife/husband standing next to them and thank them too. :)

US vs. Japan

What I miss about the US:

my family

my friends

buying clothes that fit me

cheap/free parking

tv without AFN commercials

radio stations

watching movies as soon as they come out

BOJANGLES... Mmmm (what chu know bout dat?)

Chinese buffets

Papa John's bread sticks

Capt George's seafood buffet (in VA Beach)

Target

Wal-Mart

malls

cheap produce

and much more!!

Things I DON'T miss about the US:

the lack of customer service

angry and rude people

litter all over the streets

crime rate

lack of HEALTHY food choices

loud mouthed ignorant people (racists, bigots, idiots)

talking in public and worrying about who is listening... lol

and much more...

the grass is always greener, right?

Introduction

Welcome to my blog!!

For those who don't know me... I am 27 years old. I grew up as a military brat. My Dad is a retired Marine and met my Mother while stationed in Japan... yes, I am half Japanese. I lived in NC for most of my life. That's where my Dad retired. I have two older sisters (9 years older) who are twins.

I currently live in Yokohama, Japan with my amazing husband, Matt...

My wonderful daughter, Cynthia...

And my awesome dogs, Kisaki (Saki) and Nearco...

I've decided to start a blog for a number of reasons...

number one: I love to write and I think it would be cool to share my thoughts and ideas with the world.

number two: I need an outlet. I've recently become a housewife/stay-at-home Mom and need an outlet to vent, feel creative and feel like I'm doing something other than taking care of my family.

number three: I think it would be cool to let people into my head and get feedback. To find out that there may be people out there that enjoy my writing or that can relate to the things I put in my blog.