FML

I woke up in a good mood this morning.  I rolled over, stretched and smiled when I noticed the sun shinning through the window.  I looked up at my ceiling fan and held my breath so I could listen for my kids.  They were quiet. It was an awesome start to a great morning. I started thinking about my workout and what I wanted to get accomplished as I got up and made my way to the bathroom and then I heard my son start crying from his room.  This was okay... that's how he always wakes up.  He cries until someone comes to get him out of his crib.  I quickly brushed my teeth and put my contacts in so I could go get him.  My daughter was still asleep so I left her alone. I gave my son a big hug, changed his diaper and we made our way to the kitchen to get his breakfast and my coffee. My son smiled and talked in his gibberish as I put a piece of toast in the toaster for him, gave him a cup of milk, half a banana and started on my coffee. And that's when I heard it.  Gagging and then what sounded like a bucket of mud hitting my carpet.  I rush to my dining room which has CREAM colored carpeting and saw my dog, Saki standing there with a "don't kill me" look as she stood over a nice wet pile of puke.
           I immediately started yelling, "Saki!  What the- Get out of here!  Why the carpet!?  WHY! Go! Go! Go!" She starts gagging again, runs through the kitchen and goes straight into the living room where she stops just above the RUG and pukes AGAIN!!!! I stop and take a deep breath.  Don't kill her, Elaine.  You love her.  Don't kill her.  I actually say "Wooosaah" out loud but it comes out more like "WOOOOOSSSAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" I look up to see my daughter standing there with sleepy eyes and she asks me why I'm yelling. Um HELLO! So after spending fifteen minutes of my morning cleaning up dog puke I FINALLY finish setting up my coffee and start making my daughters breakfast as I wait. I got a deal at the grocery store for english muffins... buy one get one free. So of course I bought them. I tell Cynthia she will have an english muffin for breakfast and half a banana. She says she wants toast instead because toast is warm. So I spend the next five minutes trying to explain to my four year old that a toasted english muffin is just as warm as a toasted piece of bread before I finally realize what I'm doing.
    "Cynthia be quiet.  You're getting an english muffin and you're going to like every bite!" that solves that!
   So after finally getting some coffee in my system I get my workout clothes on, take my daughter to school and then go to the gym. I'm on the elliptical reading my book and texting... I like to multitask it makes me feel important... when my knee starts killing me. So I decide to stop ten minutes early and go lift weights so now my knee AND my arms and shoulders hurt like hell.  Nice.
  I go home and decide to watch the last episode of Game of Thrones (Season 1) because I'm dying to see what happens and Shaun is taking his morning nap.  And what happens? With nine minutes left in the episode Shaun wakes up crying.  UGGH!!!
  At noon I go to pick Cynthia up from school and go to Target to get a few things for the house. It's windy and freaking FREEZING outside today so I let Cynthia sit in the back of the cart with Shaun in the front so I don't have to wait for her.  Her legs are short and she's easily distracted. When I get back to the car to unload everything I grab Shaun first and start strapping him into his seat when I hear Cynthia squeal.  I turn around to see my cart and daughter rolling away in the wind.  Shaun isn't strapped all the way in so I can't leave him cause he's crazy and will try to jump out of the car so I stick my leg out and catch the edge of the cart with my toes... this felt amazing on my knee by the way. I continue to hold the cart with my toes as I finish strapping Shaun in.
  When we get home I get the kids settled for lunch. I leave the room for a few minutes to put the stuff away that I bought and come back to find Shaun playing in a puddle of milk on the table.  He's smacking his hands in it and putting his face in it trying to drink it from the table successfully soaking the entire front of his hair in milk.  Where is my one way ticket to crazy town cause I'm ready.  I'm SOOO READY.  
   I clean up the hellish mess my kids left after lunch and watch the clock waiting for nap time.  I love nap time.  It's the best part of the day...second to bedtime of course. Nap time finally comes and that means I can finally take a shower! I get the kids down and head to my bathroom actually excited about being in a room by myself with no interruptions for a whole ten minutes!
  I start to wash my hair and realize I grabbed the conditioner instead of the shampoo so now I have to rinse the conditioner out so I can shampoo my hair which I was supposed to do in the first place!  Ugh calm down.  It's okay.  Calm Down.  It's okay.  
  I get my hair lathered up and then I hear it.
"Mommy I have to go poo poo!" My daughter still isn't proficient in wiping poop from her butt so I still help her.
"Okay just use my toilet."  I sigh as I realize my shower time will now be cut short. And then she decides to also tell me.
"I accidentally went poo poo in my underwear."  I whip the shower curtain back and sure enough she poop in her underwear and now it's on my toilet seat, my floor and in my toilet.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
  So what do I get to do AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF THE SHOWER???  Clean shit!  YES!!!
So now here I am... my kids are in bed although I'm sure they're just lying in there plotting and my nap time break is quickly coming to an end.  It is only 2:49 PM... I still have six more hours to survive.  So this is my way of asking for help.
Just sayin' someone please PRAY FOR ME!