So many of life's biggest challenges and mysteries revolve around love. When are you truly in love?... Is love ever enough?... who should you love?... Do you really know what love is?... this list could go on and on and on. People make careers answering and asking these very questions and still it seems no one ever has a direct answer to any of them.
Growing up I was always told "Until you love yourself you can't truly love anyone else" and I always took it lightly. I actually didn't believe it at first because I spent a large majority of my life not liking myself and still felt there were plenty of people in my life I loved. But now after watching my friends get their hearts broken, mended and broken again... after learning how it feels to actually love myself and to see the changes it's made in my life and my relationships... it makes perfect sense.
You always hear stories of the "perfect" relationship ending abruptly. One person cheats or all of a sudden doesn't love the other. But when you look a little closer often times you'll find that at least one of those people (if not both) still needed to find love for themselves. Often times when people get married or enter long term relationships one or both of them loses themselves. Their world begins and ends with that other person and they forget about what they want, what they need... they forget about their worth. And when you don't require love from yourself how can you ever require it from someone else? And how will that person know how to treat you?? By how you treat yourself. If you are willing to settle for little or nothing from yourself then why should you require anymore from them?
That's where self love comes into play. I've found that when both people in a relationship feel whole and happy by themselves they are even better when they are together. But when one or both of those people are missing something within themselves and they can't find it with the person they are with they will keep looking until they do. And often times they eventually discover that no one else can give it to them. Just like in The Wizard of Oz what you are searching for you've had with you all along. And unfortunately most people discover this after they've broken hearts and had their heart broken time and time again.
It seems to me that people waste so much time looking for love, looking for someone to complete them when what they should be doing is looking inside themselves. And once they discover they don't need anyone else to complete them or to make them happy that's when everything else they wanted comes. And no matter what happens from that point on you'll always have someone who loves you... YOU.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
takin it back...
I was looking through old photo albums of me and my friends. I can't believe how easy life was back then and how much I took it for granted. I have pictures from concerts and amusement parks and parties... and I thought my life was tough. Pfft! And why didn't I believe I was pretty and skinny!?? I look at those pictures and wish I looked like that now!! I will never look like that again and at the time I thought I was ugly and fat. MAN! If I could only go back and get inside my head! LOL But what looking at the pictures really made me miss the most was my friends... Melissa, Liz, Nichole, Shayla, Jenny, Vikki, Tamera and many more. You guys have been awesome friends and I wouldn't be who I am without knowing you so thank you!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
just keep it real
I always wonder why people feel the need to pretend especially girls/women. For as long as I can remember I've watched girls pretend to like someone when they didn't. I can understand being civil to someone... smiling and saying hello even if you don't care for them or really like them. But why put on the show? Why invite them to parties? Why invite them to hang out with you and then as soon as they leave spend the entire night talking about them?
Is it purely for entertainment? Is it because you don't have enough going on in your life so you have to create something to talk about? I just don't understand the need for being two faced and acting phoney. It's too much work if you ask me. Why not just keep it real?
Is it purely for entertainment? Is it because you don't have enough going on in your life so you have to create something to talk about? I just don't understand the need for being two faced and acting phoney. It's too much work if you ask me. Why not just keep it real?
Monday, August 24, 2009
babysitting
I hate babysitting. I don't often share this about myself because I don't want to come off mean or uncaring... but I really do hate it.
My sisters are 9 years older than me so there were many instances in my childhood where I was volunteered to babysit for their friends. And the kids I watched were always brats who never listened to me or they ended up throwing up or climbing trees and falling... something bad always seemed to happen.
My Mom used to volunteer me to babysit also. I specifically remember her volunteering me to babysit a neighbor's kid one night. He was about 2 1/2 or 3 years old and his parents left him grapes to eat as a snack. I sat him on the kitchen counter to eat the grapes and he started choking on one! Thank God after I hit his back a couple times he swallowed it but then he started crying and I was so frazzled I swore never to feed a kid grapes again and made sure to learn the Heimlich maneuver!
So after years of being scared by traumatizing babysitting experiences I now hate it! Yes, even now after I have a daughter and I'm more comfortable around babies I still have no desire to take care of another person's child. And I actually feel guilty about it. I understand there are mothers out there who could use the help... I'm one of them! LOL I guess that's why I never ask people to watch Cynthia. Because if I did I would automatically be indebted to them and have to babysit their kid. Don't get me wrong... this doesn't mean I hate kids. I have no problem with them as long as someone else is taking care of them.
But when someone asks you to watch their child or babysit how do you say no unless you already have plans or just cannot do it? How do you say "No, I'd rather not" without sounding completely bitchy (pardon my "French")?? That is one thing I'm still trying to figure out. And does this give me bad karma?? Will I really need a babysitter one day and not be able to find one because I refuse to babysit for other people? It seems kind of fair to me actually... I'll just have to make sure and register Cynthia with a daycare every time I move or have family close by. Oh and that's one exception... I have no problem watching my niece and nephews. I never have... what's up with that? It must be because they are family and I have more of an emotional connection with them. I've never really been a kid/baby person anyway. I've never been one to ask to hold babies or even have much patience when it comes to kids. I guess it's just not my thing.
I hope my friends don't read this and think I'm secretly repulsed by their babies or something because that's not the case. Motherhood has definitely given me a new found appreciation for a baby's smile and innocence.... just don't ask me to babysit!
My sisters are 9 years older than me so there were many instances in my childhood where I was volunteered to babysit for their friends. And the kids I watched were always brats who never listened to me or they ended up throwing up or climbing trees and falling... something bad always seemed to happen.
My Mom used to volunteer me to babysit also. I specifically remember her volunteering me to babysit a neighbor's kid one night. He was about 2 1/2 or 3 years old and his parents left him grapes to eat as a snack. I sat him on the kitchen counter to eat the grapes and he started choking on one! Thank God after I hit his back a couple times he swallowed it but then he started crying and I was so frazzled I swore never to feed a kid grapes again and made sure to learn the Heimlich maneuver!
So after years of being scared by traumatizing babysitting experiences I now hate it! Yes, even now after I have a daughter and I'm more comfortable around babies I still have no desire to take care of another person's child. And I actually feel guilty about it. I understand there are mothers out there who could use the help... I'm one of them! LOL I guess that's why I never ask people to watch Cynthia. Because if I did I would automatically be indebted to them and have to babysit their kid. Don't get me wrong... this doesn't mean I hate kids. I have no problem with them as long as someone else is taking care of them.
But when someone asks you to watch their child or babysit how do you say no unless you already have plans or just cannot do it? How do you say "No, I'd rather not" without sounding completely bitchy (pardon my "French")?? That is one thing I'm still trying to figure out. And does this give me bad karma?? Will I really need a babysitter one day and not be able to find one because I refuse to babysit for other people? It seems kind of fair to me actually... I'll just have to make sure and register Cynthia with a daycare every time I move or have family close by. Oh and that's one exception... I have no problem watching my niece and nephews. I never have... what's up with that? It must be because they are family and I have more of an emotional connection with them. I've never really been a kid/baby person anyway. I've never been one to ask to hold babies or even have much patience when it comes to kids. I guess it's just not my thing.
I hope my friends don't read this and think I'm secretly repulsed by their babies or something because that's not the case. Motherhood has definitely given me a new found appreciation for a baby's smile and innocence.... just don't ask me to babysit!
forgiveness
Forgive: 1:To give up resentment 2: pardon; absolve 3: to grant relief from payment of
In my life I've found that forgiveness can be one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can ever do. When someone hurts you it is hard to turn around and show them kindness by forgiving them. But the more I've thought about it and experienced it myself I realize that forgiveness is more of a gift you give yourself. You can let go of that resentment and move on with your life without harboring any hard feelings or anger. Often times the person you are mad at doesn't even know or care that you are mad so really the only person you are hurting is yourself.
I've also found that one of the toughest forms of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. Most of us are more judgemental and harder on ourselves that anyone else. And even the smallest mistake can be hard to forgive. Growing up I always had a self esteem problem. I used to say things like "I hate myself" and "I suck" and "I'm such a loser" and then I would wonder who or what caused all my pain when I was depressed or sad. The truth was although there may have been instances in my life that reinforced my low self esteem it was my inner thoughts and judgments that kept those feelings so close to me. It wasn't until I decided to forgive myself that I felt a sense of relief and happiness come over me. It was like I was finally letting go and allowing myself to be imperfect. I always felt a need to be perfect... the perfect friend or the perfect child or the perfect student and since I never was perfect I was always disappointed. It's so liberating now to know I'll never be perfect and just accept the person I am.
No matter who hurts you even if you hurt yourself it's important to forgive them so that you can move on. You don't even have to tell them you've forgiven them just be able to let go and understand that everything you live through makes you stronger and teaches you something. So take what you've learned and your new found strength and live a better and happier life.
In my life I've found that forgiveness can be one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can ever do. When someone hurts you it is hard to turn around and show them kindness by forgiving them. But the more I've thought about it and experienced it myself I realize that forgiveness is more of a gift you give yourself. You can let go of that resentment and move on with your life without harboring any hard feelings or anger. Often times the person you are mad at doesn't even know or care that you are mad so really the only person you are hurting is yourself.
I've also found that one of the toughest forms of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. Most of us are more judgemental and harder on ourselves that anyone else. And even the smallest mistake can be hard to forgive. Growing up I always had a self esteem problem. I used to say things like "I hate myself" and "I suck" and "I'm such a loser" and then I would wonder who or what caused all my pain when I was depressed or sad. The truth was although there may have been instances in my life that reinforced my low self esteem it was my inner thoughts and judgments that kept those feelings so close to me. It wasn't until I decided to forgive myself that I felt a sense of relief and happiness come over me. It was like I was finally letting go and allowing myself to be imperfect. I always felt a need to be perfect... the perfect friend or the perfect child or the perfect student and since I never was perfect I was always disappointed. It's so liberating now to know I'll never be perfect and just accept the person I am.
No matter who hurts you even if you hurt yourself it's important to forgive them so that you can move on. You don't even have to tell them you've forgiven them just be able to let go and understand that everything you live through makes you stronger and teaches you something. So take what you've learned and your new found strength and live a better and happier life.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
religion
I was watching the news earlier today and they were covering a story about religion and how the fastest growing "denomination" right now is no denomination at all. People are choosing to have no affiliation with a church and are either finding a personal path to spirituality or none at all. And in order to change things or get a larger congregation churches are now spending money on commercials and iTunes gift cards to lure people into church.
I may be missing the whole point but this seems so wrong to me on so many levels. First of all... aren't there other ways you could use that money to pass on your message? Instead of using thousands... or MILLIONS (yes, I said millions) of dollars on advertising for your church why don't you take that money and build a school or a playground or a food bank or provide food or medicine or counseling to the community?? I mean isn't that a more effective way to "advertise"? Isn't that a better way to demonstrate what your church is about? Isn't that a better way to encourage people to join your congregation??
Honestly, I think this is just a prime example of why churches are losing members... they have lost their focus. If people see you care and you're making a positive impact on the world around you and you PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH then they would be inspired and want to help make a change in the world... in turn joining your congregation.
Personally I choose not to follow an organized religion. Although, I have nothing against people who do and I can see the benifits of doing so. But for me I've always felt more comfortable exploring my spirituality on my own and having my own personal relationship with God. I think we're coming to a time where people need to step back and look at their intentions. They need to stop talking about what people SHOULD do and instead do it. They need to stop judging and start loving others.
I always found it so baffling how for so long people have been fighting, killing, and hating for something that they can never prove. How can so much evil or ugliness be created by people who say they love God? I feel everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe but they definitely don't have the right to say... if you don't believe it too you deserve to die or you are going to hell. How do people say that so matter-of-factly!?? Like they are God, like they know what will happen to your soul after you die!? Maybe you are going to hell just for saying that.
Ok ok... I know I'm getting too deep here and I don't have all night to type. I just want everyone to ponder this and maybe take a step back and think twice about what you've been told or what you've been doing.
No matter what you believe you are still human just like the rest of us. And just like you were brought into this world you will one day return from where you came and maybe even have the chance to look back at what you did while you were here. And I hope you can look back and be proud of what you did and how you touched the people around you. To me, that is how you measure your closeness to God... to me, God IS love... unconditional love and the closer you get to that the closer you are to him/her.
Ok now I will step off of my soap box. Thanks for listening. :)
I may be missing the whole point but this seems so wrong to me on so many levels. First of all... aren't there other ways you could use that money to pass on your message? Instead of using thousands... or MILLIONS (yes, I said millions) of dollars on advertising for your church why don't you take that money and build a school or a playground or a food bank or provide food or medicine or counseling to the community?? I mean isn't that a more effective way to "advertise"? Isn't that a better way to demonstrate what your church is about? Isn't that a better way to encourage people to join your congregation??
Honestly, I think this is just a prime example of why churches are losing members... they have lost their focus. If people see you care and you're making a positive impact on the world around you and you PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH then they would be inspired and want to help make a change in the world... in turn joining your congregation.
Personally I choose not to follow an organized religion. Although, I have nothing against people who do and I can see the benifits of doing so. But for me I've always felt more comfortable exploring my spirituality on my own and having my own personal relationship with God. I think we're coming to a time where people need to step back and look at their intentions. They need to stop talking about what people SHOULD do and instead do it. They need to stop judging and start loving others.
I always found it so baffling how for so long people have been fighting, killing, and hating for something that they can never prove. How can so much evil or ugliness be created by people who say they love God? I feel everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe but they definitely don't have the right to say... if you don't believe it too you deserve to die or you are going to hell. How do people say that so matter-of-factly!?? Like they are God, like they know what will happen to your soul after you die!? Maybe you are going to hell just for saying that.
Ok ok... I know I'm getting too deep here and I don't have all night to type. I just want everyone to ponder this and maybe take a step back and think twice about what you've been told or what you've been doing.
No matter what you believe you are still human just like the rest of us. And just like you were brought into this world you will one day return from where you came and maybe even have the chance to look back at what you did while you were here. And I hope you can look back and be proud of what you did and how you touched the people around you. To me, that is how you measure your closeness to God... to me, God IS love... unconditional love and the closer you get to that the closer you are to him/her.
Ok now I will step off of my soap box. Thanks for listening. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
military brats
Growing up as a military brat I remember wishing I could stay where I was forever. If I had made good friends or liked our house I would get so upset when it was time to move again. There's nothing like walking into a new school where you don't know anyone and everyone else grew up together. You're scared and nervous and wonder if you'll ever make friends like you did the last time. I remember when I was in high school I swore I'd never marry someone in the military because I had been around them my entire life and I was ready for a change. But now that I'm married to a sailor and he's decided to make a career out of it I realize this is the life I know. I can't imagine staying in one place for more than 4 or 5 years. After about 3 I start to get antsy and feel like it's time to go.
It's crazy for me to imagine that some people live in the same place their parents grew up and their parent's parents and so on. Although that's the life I always envied now I realize I was pretty lucky to grow up the way I did. I would never have met the people I now call my closest friends and I wouldn't be the person I am today. This life style has helped me be independent and adventerous and has definitely allowed me to overcome some hard situations. Leaving good friends and places I call home have never been easy but meeting new people and making a new home for myself is an amazing experience.
Now that I have Cynthia I wonder if she will have the same feelings I do. I kind of like the fact that I will be able to relate to her in that way. I can take her on her first day to her new school and see her standing there nervous and scared and tell her "I know exactly how you feel because I've been there." and I can also tell her that it'll all be ok and be worth it in the end. And it comforts me to know that it may help her become a strong, independent person who knows who she is even if she doesn't know where she's going next.
We military brats are a special breed. We can't ever answer the question "Where are you from?" in one word or even one sentence but there's not much else we can't do. :)
It's crazy for me to imagine that some people live in the same place their parents grew up and their parent's parents and so on. Although that's the life I always envied now I realize I was pretty lucky to grow up the way I did. I would never have met the people I now call my closest friends and I wouldn't be the person I am today. This life style has helped me be independent and adventerous and has definitely allowed me to overcome some hard situations. Leaving good friends and places I call home have never been easy but meeting new people and making a new home for myself is an amazing experience.
Now that I have Cynthia I wonder if she will have the same feelings I do. I kind of like the fact that I will be able to relate to her in that way. I can take her on her first day to her new school and see her standing there nervous and scared and tell her "I know exactly how you feel because I've been there." and I can also tell her that it'll all be ok and be worth it in the end. And it comforts me to know that it may help her become a strong, independent person who knows who she is even if she doesn't know where she's going next.
We military brats are a special breed. We can't ever answer the question "Where are you from?" in one word or even one sentence but there's not much else we can't do. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)