I just finished watching Julie & Julia and it brought up a problem I've been having for a while now... what to do!?? I've noticed this seems to be a problem that many wives have. Whether they have jobs, children or neither there still seems to be a struggle when it comes to finding something that you enjoy doing, something that you love and something that you would enjoy doing everyday... just for yourself. And the funny thing is, I've never once found a man or husband with the same problem. If anything they always have TOO MANY hobbies and either can't find the time for all of them or can't afford them. So why is this? Are men programmed to always be busy with something? Are they the more selfish gender and while the women are too busy taking care of everyone else to think about what they want or would enjoy the men are off exploring everything and finding hobby after hobby? Or is it something else? Can it be that us WOMEN can actually learn something from men? Actually take some time for ourselves and try to find something we enjoy? But why is it that typical hobbies for men are things like working on cars, playing sports, fishing or playing video games (please notice I used the word "playing" twice). And for women it's usually things like cooking, sewing, knitting or crafts? I've always considered myself to be a pretty creative person but none of those things I just listed really appeal to me. And I've tried some of them. I do enjoy writing but to be honest it's hard to find things to write about when your day consists of working out, changing diapers, giving baths and folding laundry. So once again the phrase appears, "just get a hobby."
So now I need a hobby to help with my other hobby! And another thing is money... hobbies can get expensive!! Especially the ones I listed for men! What's up with that!? They should give hobby discounts at the store or something. Like if you bring old receipts with you to the store to prove it's really a hobby for you and you are passionate about it you get 25% off all merchandise related to it. I can think of a few people who would benefit from that.
So I guess I'll just continue on my search for my new hobby and maybe one day I'll find one and then I'll sit here writing blogs about how wonderful it is and how much it fulfills me and I'll be one of THEM. You know the ones who look at you with confusion all over their face when you tell them you're bored and then they reach over to comfort you and say those awe inspiring words..."just get a hobby."
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
My Sisters
In my life I have been truly blessed. And among my many blessings ones that I hold dearest to my heart are Cindy and Kristine. My sisters. I know many people have siblings that they love and that have taught them a lot. But there are not many who have the type of love and admiration that my sisters an I share. My sisters are 9 years older than me and twins. In most cases this could be a recipe for disaster. Meaner, older sisters that boss you around and make your life hell. Well luckily for me, my relationship with my sisters was the complete opposite. They treated me like their most favorite person in the world. They spoiled me to death, taught me life lessons that I didn't have to learn on my own, and made me feel like I was cool enough to hang out with them and their friends no matter how young I was.
Now of course like any siblings our relationships haven't always been perfect. But for the most part I just remember sitting and crying while I watched them fight each other. Which I guess is expected from a pair of teen aged twin sisters. But despite all of their differences and trust me there are a lot... one things that has always stayed the same is our love for each other.
My sisters taught me how to dance and how to dress and do my hair. They taught me who I should trust and how to stand up for myself. And even if they didn't intend to they also taught me how to learn lessons by watching their mistakes. My sisters have been through a lot...both of them and by watching them live through the tough times and come out even stronger it has only made me realize how strong one person can be.
My sister Cindy... the older of the two (by 15 minutes) has always been so caring and understanding. She would offer a complete stranger the shirt off her back and despite everything she's been through... and she has been through A LOT... she still believes in the good in people and always finds a reason to smile. Through heartbreaks, disappointments, and really bad situations she's always found a way to come out stronger and never let anyone or anything get her down.
My sister Kristine... the younger of the two (by 15 minutes) was always the tough one. She never backs down and is always showing her strength no matter what life throws at her. She has always given great advice and is always there when you need someone to listen. She's also the mother of my beautiful niece and nephews and despite being a single Mother with a full-time job she has still managed to raise wonderful, respectful and awesome kids in a world that seems to have so few. She has also been through a lot and every time she still comes out ready to fight the next battle.
To say my sisters are strong women is such an understatement. They are beyond strong... they are amazing, tenacious, super women who have earned my utmost respect and admiration. I love my sisters.
Now of course like any siblings our relationships haven't always been perfect. But for the most part I just remember sitting and crying while I watched them fight each other. Which I guess is expected from a pair of teen aged twin sisters. But despite all of their differences and trust me there are a lot... one things that has always stayed the same is our love for each other.
My sisters taught me how to dance and how to dress and do my hair. They taught me who I should trust and how to stand up for myself. And even if they didn't intend to they also taught me how to learn lessons by watching their mistakes. My sisters have been through a lot...both of them and by watching them live through the tough times and come out even stronger it has only made me realize how strong one person can be.
My sister Cindy... the older of the two (by 15 minutes) has always been so caring and understanding. She would offer a complete stranger the shirt off her back and despite everything she's been through... and she has been through A LOT... she still believes in the good in people and always finds a reason to smile. Through heartbreaks, disappointments, and really bad situations she's always found a way to come out stronger and never let anyone or anything get her down.
My sister Kristine... the younger of the two (by 15 minutes) was always the tough one. She never backs down and is always showing her strength no matter what life throws at her. She has always given great advice and is always there when you need someone to listen. She's also the mother of my beautiful niece and nephews and despite being a single Mother with a full-time job she has still managed to raise wonderful, respectful and awesome kids in a world that seems to have so few. She has also been through a lot and every time she still comes out ready to fight the next battle.
To say my sisters are strong women is such an understatement. They are beyond strong... they are amazing, tenacious, super women who have earned my utmost respect and admiration. I love my sisters.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Love you.
So many of life's biggest challenges and mysteries revolve around love. When are you truly in love?... Is love ever enough?... who should you love?... Do you really know what love is?... this list could go on and on and on. People make careers answering and asking these very questions and still it seems no one ever has a direct answer to any of them.
Growing up I was always told "Until you love yourself you can't truly love anyone else" and I always took it lightly. I actually didn't believe it at first because I spent a large majority of my life not liking myself and still felt there were plenty of people in my life I loved. But now after watching my friends get their hearts broken, mended and broken again... after learning how it feels to actually love myself and to see the changes it's made in my life and my relationships... it makes perfect sense.
You always hear stories of the "perfect" relationship ending abruptly. One person cheats or all of a sudden doesn't love the other. But when you look a little closer often times you'll find that at least one of those people (if not both) still needed to find love for themselves. Often times when people get married or enter long term relationships one or both of them loses themselves. Their world begins and ends with that other person and they forget about what they want, what they need... they forget about their worth. And when you don't require love from yourself how can you ever require it from someone else? And how will that person know how to treat you?? By how you treat yourself. If you are willing to settle for little or nothing from yourself then why should you require anymore from them?
That's where self love comes into play. I've found that when both people in a relationship feel whole and happy by themselves they are even better when they are together. But when one or both of those people are missing something within themselves and they can't find it with the person they are with they will keep looking until they do. And often times they eventually discover that no one else can give it to them. Just like in The Wizard of Oz what you are searching for you've had with you all along. And unfortunately most people discover this after they've broken hearts and had their heart broken time and time again.
It seems to me that people waste so much time looking for love, looking for someone to complete them when what they should be doing is looking inside themselves. And once they discover they don't need anyone else to complete them or to make them happy that's when everything else they wanted comes. And no matter what happens from that point on you'll always have someone who loves you... YOU.
Growing up I was always told "Until you love yourself you can't truly love anyone else" and I always took it lightly. I actually didn't believe it at first because I spent a large majority of my life not liking myself and still felt there were plenty of people in my life I loved. But now after watching my friends get their hearts broken, mended and broken again... after learning how it feels to actually love myself and to see the changes it's made in my life and my relationships... it makes perfect sense.
You always hear stories of the "perfect" relationship ending abruptly. One person cheats or all of a sudden doesn't love the other. But when you look a little closer often times you'll find that at least one of those people (if not both) still needed to find love for themselves. Often times when people get married or enter long term relationships one or both of them loses themselves. Their world begins and ends with that other person and they forget about what they want, what they need... they forget about their worth. And when you don't require love from yourself how can you ever require it from someone else? And how will that person know how to treat you?? By how you treat yourself. If you are willing to settle for little or nothing from yourself then why should you require anymore from them?
That's where self love comes into play. I've found that when both people in a relationship feel whole and happy by themselves they are even better when they are together. But when one or both of those people are missing something within themselves and they can't find it with the person they are with they will keep looking until they do. And often times they eventually discover that no one else can give it to them. Just like in The Wizard of Oz what you are searching for you've had with you all along. And unfortunately most people discover this after they've broken hearts and had their heart broken time and time again.
It seems to me that people waste so much time looking for love, looking for someone to complete them when what they should be doing is looking inside themselves. And once they discover they don't need anyone else to complete them or to make them happy that's when everything else they wanted comes. And no matter what happens from that point on you'll always have someone who loves you... YOU.
Monday, September 14, 2009
takin it back...
I was looking through old photo albums of me and my friends. I can't believe how easy life was back then and how much I took it for granted. I have pictures from concerts and amusement parks and parties... and I thought my life was tough. Pfft! And why didn't I believe I was pretty and skinny!?? I look at those pictures and wish I looked like that now!! I will never look like that again and at the time I thought I was ugly and fat. MAN! If I could only go back and get inside my head! LOL But what looking at the pictures really made me miss the most was my friends... Melissa, Liz, Nichole, Shayla, Jenny, Vikki, Tamera and many more. You guys have been awesome friends and I wouldn't be who I am without knowing you so thank you!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
just keep it real
I always wonder why people feel the need to pretend especially girls/women. For as long as I can remember I've watched girls pretend to like someone when they didn't. I can understand being civil to someone... smiling and saying hello even if you don't care for them or really like them. But why put on the show? Why invite them to parties? Why invite them to hang out with you and then as soon as they leave spend the entire night talking about them?
Is it purely for entertainment? Is it because you don't have enough going on in your life so you have to create something to talk about? I just don't understand the need for being two faced and acting phoney. It's too much work if you ask me. Why not just keep it real?
Is it purely for entertainment? Is it because you don't have enough going on in your life so you have to create something to talk about? I just don't understand the need for being two faced and acting phoney. It's too much work if you ask me. Why not just keep it real?
Monday, August 24, 2009
babysitting
I hate babysitting. I don't often share this about myself because I don't want to come off mean or uncaring... but I really do hate it.
My sisters are 9 years older than me so there were many instances in my childhood where I was volunteered to babysit for their friends. And the kids I watched were always brats who never listened to me or they ended up throwing up or climbing trees and falling... something bad always seemed to happen.
My Mom used to volunteer me to babysit also. I specifically remember her volunteering me to babysit a neighbor's kid one night. He was about 2 1/2 or 3 years old and his parents left him grapes to eat as a snack. I sat him on the kitchen counter to eat the grapes and he started choking on one! Thank God after I hit his back a couple times he swallowed it but then he started crying and I was so frazzled I swore never to feed a kid grapes again and made sure to learn the Heimlich maneuver!
So after years of being scared by traumatizing babysitting experiences I now hate it! Yes, even now after I have a daughter and I'm more comfortable around babies I still have no desire to take care of another person's child. And I actually feel guilty about it. I understand there are mothers out there who could use the help... I'm one of them! LOL I guess that's why I never ask people to watch Cynthia. Because if I did I would automatically be indebted to them and have to babysit their kid. Don't get me wrong... this doesn't mean I hate kids. I have no problem with them as long as someone else is taking care of them.
But when someone asks you to watch their child or babysit how do you say no unless you already have plans or just cannot do it? How do you say "No, I'd rather not" without sounding completely bitchy (pardon my "French")?? That is one thing I'm still trying to figure out. And does this give me bad karma?? Will I really need a babysitter one day and not be able to find one because I refuse to babysit for other people? It seems kind of fair to me actually... I'll just have to make sure and register Cynthia with a daycare every time I move or have family close by. Oh and that's one exception... I have no problem watching my niece and nephews. I never have... what's up with that? It must be because they are family and I have more of an emotional connection with them. I've never really been a kid/baby person anyway. I've never been one to ask to hold babies or even have much patience when it comes to kids. I guess it's just not my thing.
I hope my friends don't read this and think I'm secretly repulsed by their babies or something because that's not the case. Motherhood has definitely given me a new found appreciation for a baby's smile and innocence.... just don't ask me to babysit!
My sisters are 9 years older than me so there were many instances in my childhood where I was volunteered to babysit for their friends. And the kids I watched were always brats who never listened to me or they ended up throwing up or climbing trees and falling... something bad always seemed to happen.
My Mom used to volunteer me to babysit also. I specifically remember her volunteering me to babysit a neighbor's kid one night. He was about 2 1/2 or 3 years old and his parents left him grapes to eat as a snack. I sat him on the kitchen counter to eat the grapes and he started choking on one! Thank God after I hit his back a couple times he swallowed it but then he started crying and I was so frazzled I swore never to feed a kid grapes again and made sure to learn the Heimlich maneuver!
So after years of being scared by traumatizing babysitting experiences I now hate it! Yes, even now after I have a daughter and I'm more comfortable around babies I still have no desire to take care of another person's child. And I actually feel guilty about it. I understand there are mothers out there who could use the help... I'm one of them! LOL I guess that's why I never ask people to watch Cynthia. Because if I did I would automatically be indebted to them and have to babysit their kid. Don't get me wrong... this doesn't mean I hate kids. I have no problem with them as long as someone else is taking care of them.
But when someone asks you to watch their child or babysit how do you say no unless you already have plans or just cannot do it? How do you say "No, I'd rather not" without sounding completely bitchy (pardon my "French")?? That is one thing I'm still trying to figure out. And does this give me bad karma?? Will I really need a babysitter one day and not be able to find one because I refuse to babysit for other people? It seems kind of fair to me actually... I'll just have to make sure and register Cynthia with a daycare every time I move or have family close by. Oh and that's one exception... I have no problem watching my niece and nephews. I never have... what's up with that? It must be because they are family and I have more of an emotional connection with them. I've never really been a kid/baby person anyway. I've never been one to ask to hold babies or even have much patience when it comes to kids. I guess it's just not my thing.
I hope my friends don't read this and think I'm secretly repulsed by their babies or something because that's not the case. Motherhood has definitely given me a new found appreciation for a baby's smile and innocence.... just don't ask me to babysit!
forgiveness
Forgive: 1:To give up resentment 2: pardon; absolve 3: to grant relief from payment of
In my life I've found that forgiveness can be one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can ever do. When someone hurts you it is hard to turn around and show them kindness by forgiving them. But the more I've thought about it and experienced it myself I realize that forgiveness is more of a gift you give yourself. You can let go of that resentment and move on with your life without harboring any hard feelings or anger. Often times the person you are mad at doesn't even know or care that you are mad so really the only person you are hurting is yourself.
I've also found that one of the toughest forms of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. Most of us are more judgemental and harder on ourselves that anyone else. And even the smallest mistake can be hard to forgive. Growing up I always had a self esteem problem. I used to say things like "I hate myself" and "I suck" and "I'm such a loser" and then I would wonder who or what caused all my pain when I was depressed or sad. The truth was although there may have been instances in my life that reinforced my low self esteem it was my inner thoughts and judgments that kept those feelings so close to me. It wasn't until I decided to forgive myself that I felt a sense of relief and happiness come over me. It was like I was finally letting go and allowing myself to be imperfect. I always felt a need to be perfect... the perfect friend or the perfect child or the perfect student and since I never was perfect I was always disappointed. It's so liberating now to know I'll never be perfect and just accept the person I am.
No matter who hurts you even if you hurt yourself it's important to forgive them so that you can move on. You don't even have to tell them you've forgiven them just be able to let go and understand that everything you live through makes you stronger and teaches you something. So take what you've learned and your new found strength and live a better and happier life.
In my life I've found that forgiveness can be one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can ever do. When someone hurts you it is hard to turn around and show them kindness by forgiving them. But the more I've thought about it and experienced it myself I realize that forgiveness is more of a gift you give yourself. You can let go of that resentment and move on with your life without harboring any hard feelings or anger. Often times the person you are mad at doesn't even know or care that you are mad so really the only person you are hurting is yourself.
I've also found that one of the toughest forms of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. Most of us are more judgemental and harder on ourselves that anyone else. And even the smallest mistake can be hard to forgive. Growing up I always had a self esteem problem. I used to say things like "I hate myself" and "I suck" and "I'm such a loser" and then I would wonder who or what caused all my pain when I was depressed or sad. The truth was although there may have been instances in my life that reinforced my low self esteem it was my inner thoughts and judgments that kept those feelings so close to me. It wasn't until I decided to forgive myself that I felt a sense of relief and happiness come over me. It was like I was finally letting go and allowing myself to be imperfect. I always felt a need to be perfect... the perfect friend or the perfect child or the perfect student and since I never was perfect I was always disappointed. It's so liberating now to know I'll never be perfect and just accept the person I am.
No matter who hurts you even if you hurt yourself it's important to forgive them so that you can move on. You don't even have to tell them you've forgiven them just be able to let go and understand that everything you live through makes you stronger and teaches you something. So take what you've learned and your new found strength and live a better and happier life.
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