Do you ever worry that you're never going to find your passion or what you are meant to do in this life? Is there a talent already there in all of us that we have to discover? Or do we have to decide what we want to do and then work at it until we are good? Or is it just different for everyone?
Ever since I was little I liked being creative. I used to make outfits for my Barbie dolls and decided I wanted to be a fashion designer. Then when I was in middle school I started writing and people told me I was good at it and it came fairly easy to me so I decided I wanted to be a writer. Then I got into high school and loved my art classes. So then I decided I was going to be an art teacher.
When I went to college and tried choosing a major Creative Writing was my first choice. But then that voice in my head started saying things like, "what if you aren't good enough?", "what if you don't get a job writing... how else will that degree help you?", "maybe you should do something that's more likely to get you a stable job", "do writers earn good money if they aren't extremely successful?" and there went that idea. So instead I chose Advertising... it had writing and art involved so I thought... "it'll be fun and look better on a resume". But the more I got into it the more I realized what a competitive field it really was... "cut throat" is actually the phrase I heard all the time. And I also realized it really just wasn't something I was passionate about. But I had just spent 4 years studying to be a copywriter for an advertising agency. So by God that was what I was going to try and do!!
But now looking back at it all I realize the main thing holding me back the entire time was my lack of confidence. Maybe I could have been an amazing fashion designer but I didn't believe in myself so I never tried to get better. I could be at a school somewhere teaching art right now. But I never made my portfolio because I didn't think it would be good and I didn't want to get rejected so I never even made an attempt. And even straight out of college with my brand new shiny degree... BACHELOR OF SCIENCE WITH A FOCUS IN ADVERTISING AND A DOUBLE MINOR IN BUSINESS AND PSYCHOLOGY... I didn't believe in myself enough to go looking for that BIG job. Eventually I did end up getting a Marketing Manager position due to some good networking and I was excited about it. I would be starting fresh and everything that came out of the marketing department would be MY idea but after about a month I realized it just wasn't the job for me. Just like the degree I had earned I loved the way it sounded but deep down I kind of felt like a phony saying the words. "I'm a Marketing Manager" more like... "I'm still looking for what I want to do but for now I'm trying to sell cleaning products for Birsch Industries."
Growing up my Dad used to always tell me how important it is to find a job you love. Something that makes you happy... and I just haven't found it yet. I know I'm still only 27 but as my life moves on and I have a family and I now know I'll probably be moving every few years it has become even more important to me that I find something that makes me happy. Something that is JUST MINE. Something I can be proud of and can help me contribute to the world even if it's just in a minute way.
So this is my way of asking the universe for help! Please help me find my niche, my passion, my love, my happiness in this world. And please give me the confidence and insight to see it when you show it to me!!!
Thanks for listening!