Sunday, July 26, 2009


Have you ever had a problem with people holding on to who you were and how they knew you and not realizing that you have changed? Or if they do realize you have changed they seem to think there's something wrong with you or you are just faking it or pretending to be something you aren't? The reason I ask is because I'm a little apprehensive about moving back to the states. I feel like the past 2 years here in Japan have taught me a lot and I've also been doing a lot of soul searching while I've been here and feel like I've changed the way I think and the way I treat myself in a lot of ways. And although, I feel like all the changes I've made are good I wonder if people are going to notice or be too attached to the person they knew me to be.
For example, growing up I always felt like a push over in a way. I used to not say anything if someone made me upset or mad, I would put my needs after others because I didn't think my wants or needs were as important as everyone else's. And now I try to do what I think is best for me and have been trying to make my needs more of a priority. But if you had a friend or family member who always did what you wanted or always bit their tongue when no one else did would you really want that to change?
And on top of all of that I also had a baby while I was here. Which means everyone will be meeting MOMMY Elaine for the first time. I can't do all the things I used to do because I have a person I'm responsible for now so I wonder if my friends will take that into account or be dissapointed when I say I can't do something. And I'm the youngest in the family. Which means no matter how hard I try to get rid of the title I'll always be the "baby". And although I know my family treats me like an adult most of the time I still always feel like I'm being looked at as the baby who always needs advice and no one ever worries about stepping on your toes. And why should they? You're just the baby!
As I type this I'm already thinking of hitting the delete button because I know my family reads this and they are going to think they have offended me some how or they are going to say things like "Well I was going to say something but I don't want it to come off like I'm treating you like a baby" It's not that I feel mistreated or abused by my family and friends it's more like I'm worried about how things will be when I go back home. When someone changes over time but you are around them everyday or even every couple of months at least the change is gradual and you adjust. But since I really haven't been around everyone in a while I just worry about how I will be treated or will be recieved. But I guess as long as I'm changing for the better and I'm still ME every thing should work out fine.
I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced something like this in their life. ???
I LOVE YOU, FAMILY AND FRIENDS! You know who you are. :)


  1. Elaine,

    I've experience something like that before. When i left Mark. I was a totally different person when I got back to NC.

    I dont think you have much to worry about, but I'm just seeing it from my "perspective". I think along with the fact that your family misses you terribly, they also respect the woman they see that you have become. They see you handling yourself with class and see what you have been able to accomplish with your daughter. I'm extremely proud of the way I see the changes in you and look forward to seeing you not just as my lil "baby" sister, but also as my friend and fellow mother. I hate to say it girl, but you'll always be the baby in the family. We love you for so much more though. Keep your head up.

  2. Elaine,

    When I joined the Marine Corps I worried all the time about what everyone I love would think of me. Most of all you. We had an unbelievable relationship before I went to boot camp and since then it has never been the same, you grew up on me! Like Kristine said, we sit here everyday watching you change into a very confident happy woman and Mother. Also, you will always be my Baby, sorry... Don't think that'll ever change. lol Love ya

  3. You've obviously got to much time on your hands Kiddo... But it is kind of fun looking inside your head. Listen to Country and you'll be okay. (Hope that hasn't How's that for anonymous???