Dear husband...

  I think my husband leaves his beer cans on the counter (right next to the trash) and his dirty clothes on the floor (right next to the hamper) because he is trying to maintain control.  He knows I run this house... Yea I said it.  I'm the CO (commanding officer for you civilians). My husband may run things when he's at work but when he comes home he's in MY domain and he knows it.  So I think leaving his crap all over the place (which he knows pisses me off) is his way of rebelling... Showing me he isn't scared of me and my rules.  At first I fell into this trap.  I'd curse him under my breath, complain about how lazy he was and wonder why he couldn't just reach his damn arm 2 feet to the left to put his freakin' beer cans in the damn trash can!!!  UUGGHH!!...Deep breath...but it's ok.   I'm on to his game.
  Men like to pretend they're stupid when the truth is they're just lazy.  "babe if you want help just ask me, I don't know what you want me to do unless you ask me." he says as I'm standing there with a baby on my hip, keys hanging from my mouth and both hands full of groceries.  Really? Really!?  An ape could look at me and know what to do.  But the thing is if he pretends to be stupid and clueless and admits that I'm smarter than him he thinks that buys him a free pass.  "You're so much better at folding clothes, babe.  I suck at it.". Now that comment was just an insult to my intelligence.  I'm not a man, you can't just stroke my ego and get me to do whatever you want.  Women are way more complicated than that.
   The thing is, he knows I don't like my house being a mess which means he also knows I won't let his clothes pile up and I won't leave the beer cans sitting on the counter.  But that doesn't mean I will forget... I remember ALL of it every can, ever wet towel on the bed, every pair of underwear left on the bathroom floor and it will all come back to bite him in the ass.  Mark my words.
Bwahahahaha!!  (evil laugh).