Ok so, I've come to terms with the fact that having tattoos (not that I have very many) tends to come with people making assumptions about you. The first of course being that I'm badass. Yea, you can assume that. But there's also another assumption that I find rather amusing, and that is the assumption that you can tell me just about anything and I won't judge you, which is mostly right but also gets me in some pretty interesting conversations. Especially with older people.
So today I took my son to the doctor... At least that's what I assume he was since he was wearing a white lab coat. After checking Shaun's heartbeat, eyes and ears this guy leans back in his chair and looks at the tattoo on my arm. I'm wearing a short sleeved shirt so you can only see the bottom half of it. He asks me to see the rest and since I get this question a lot I didn't hesitate and lifted my sleeve to show him the top of my tat. And after that it was like the flood gates opened up and this guy just dove right in head first.
First he says, "Now that is some seriously nice ink you got there."
Then he looks at Shaun who is sitting in my lap wearing nothing but his diaper and a serious "back the fuck up" look. Shaun doesn't really like guys... What can I say? He's a ladies man. Shaun has a death grip on the collar of my shirt and I look down and pry my his little fingers from around it and the doc says, "yeah you gotta be careful or he might show me what you got going' on under there." huh? I look at him and he's laughing but he's not done. "One time this kid yanked his Mom's bra and shirt down in front of me showing everything and I was like whoa.". I give him a small grin thinking, sorry dude but Shaun doesn't like you... He's not gunna flash you my boobs. Then the old doc proceeds to tell me that the woman who flashed him had like 4 kids and one was conceived when her youngest was only 11 months old. I guess he was hinting at the fact that this woman should have waited a little longer before procreating. And as if that werent enough he tells me how he has a niece who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers and how he suggested to his sister they they super glue his nieces knees together so she stops poppin out babies. Uh ... Oh Kay...
This conversation has quickly gotten out of hand. He must have realized he was having diarrhea of the mouth cause then he looks at Shaun who is still giving him an "eat shit" look and tells him he plans on going to the store after work to get some steaks and a whole lotta adult beverages cause his day has been crap. Shaun looks at him like, "dude I don't care" and the old guys laughs.
As I stood up to leave Shaun grabs for my collar again and the Doc says, "uh oh watch out! He's going' for them again.". Maybe this old dude should keeps his eyes off my melons and put his brain back in his head. Wtf? The doc turns to leave and I start getting Shaun dressed as he scowls at the back of his old head. I think that guy was about 10 seconds away from getting an ass whoopin' by a 1 year old. His Papa would have been proud.
Just sayin'... Just cause I have tattoos doesn't mean you get a free pass to act like a douche.